How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
