he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
