Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
