why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
