i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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