Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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