so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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