Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
