glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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