A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
