then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
