The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you will always have a special place in my vag
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
