Where did you get a picture of my penis
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You made out with two different species that night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
