Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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