i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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