you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
