I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
