from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Say something about gay babies.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
