Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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