Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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