Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
