my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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