Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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