nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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