Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
