I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
