I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
