well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
