he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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