Got a toothbrush?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
