I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
