Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize