barbara walters just said penis...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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