GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
