she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
