I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
