ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drunk is not a location!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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