I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
