This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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