U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
