my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
