I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
