i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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