so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
