There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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