accomplished twins. life is a go
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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