I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
