I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
