At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
