Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
