I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
