Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
